And The Time Has Come...

My youngest is over 18 months old and it is time for me to have my body back and for the breastfeeding to stop. Out of all my kids he is the one that is being the most stubborn about weaning. The fits for the boobie are beyond ridiculous. So far I have him to only nursing at night. I think one more week and then get him off completely!
But when I come to think of it I am kind of sad to be weaning. This will be my last baby I nurse. I love breastfeeding just absolutely love it but I feel in my heart it is time. I love the bonding and just seeing him look at me while he is nursing but some times it has become a burden like when we are out and about and he is pulling at my shirt or when I am trying to do dishes and he is standing in front of me pulling on my shirt saying boobie, boobie, boobie! Plus it is like he has an alarm on them and if my husband comes anywhere near them he wakes up or decides he needs me! LOL! As much as I will miss it it will also be a relief to know when he is thirsty he can just get his sippy instead of me finding a place to sit and nurse!

I Hate Shopping

I actually don't hate shopping for anything else but clothes for myself! I could shoe shop all day but for some reason I hate clothes shopping. I never used to be like this when I was skinny but now that I am "fluffy" I hate the way everything fits and looks on me. I am probably being hard on myself but I want to feel comfortable.
I have my goddaughter's quince to go to in less then 3 weeks and cannot for the life of me find a dress. I went to DEB's, BIG MISTAKE, everything there is for 5'11 and 120 lb girls! I went to Sears and JC Penny and all I find there in my size are dresses that look like table clothes. Maybe I am looking in the wrong place! All I want is a dress that is in style, is gonna hide my fat rolls, make me feel confident and that I will fell comfortable in. Is that too much to ask?
My SIL tells me to just pick one and that nobody is going to be looking at me. Well maybe not but I am the godmother so I would like to look nice and not have people saying "Damn, Amanda looks rough!" LOL. I have thought maybe I should just wear slacks and a nice blouse but no damn it I want to wear a dress and show everyone that I can look like a lady sometimes!
If only I could lose this last 30 lbs I might be able to finally shop and not feel so bad about it!

Everybody Keeps Asking.......

Everybody keeps asking me how I am doing, my response to this is I am doing! Married life is not the easiest thing for me right now and I am trying I really am. It just seems like I am climbing a hill and never reaching the top no matter how hard I try. I just hope and pray it gets better some time soon because I really need it to.
As for the kiddos the school year is quickly approaching, YES! Just kidding, LOL! Right now is hectic with all the school supply, school clothes and school shoes shopping. There is just never enough money. It doesn't help either that the school seems to be making the supply list longer and longer each year knowing that money is going shorter and shorter these days.
My oldest is starting high school, :o( My three other school age kiddos are attending a brand new school this year so we shall see how it goes, it does help that their nana will be driving the school bus they will be riding on!
As for me I will be staying at home with my lil man, Cristian. Hopefully I can make some money babysitting or something.

Can Trust Ever Be Regained Once It Is Lost?

Because of some marital problems I am currently trying to work through my trust for my husband has been destroyed. I am wondering if the trust will ever return. I hate feeling like this. I hate not believing him. I hate wondering if he is lying to me. I hate wondering if what he says is really the truth. Right now he is having issues with me because he says I ask too many questions. He says I am like a crazy person. I feel like a crazy person. The problem is I believed him before when he told me things and then come to find out he was lying. I am scared if I keep being paranoid I am gonna push him away and I am gonna feel bad if it turns out he is telling the truth and I am accusing him of things. I know it is his fault for doing this to me in the first place but he doesnt see it that way. When does this feeling go away and will the trust ever come back?

What do you think?......

I was reading a post on BBC awhile back about how a woman thought we should keep up our appearance as we did when we were dating our significant others and that if we let ourselves go and the significant other cheats then some how it is okay because we got lazy. I totally think it is BS to believe this but it did get me to thinking. How many of us have kept up our appearance since getting married and having kids? I will be the first to admit I have turned into a slob when it comes to myself. I rarely do my hair and makeup. Some days I don't even get out of my pajamas or brush my hair! Ewwww I know! I am not this person, I used to be the type of person that wouldn't even leave the house without a shower, makeup and making sure my hair was perfect. I do admit when I do do my hair and makeup it makes me feel good about myself. So why is it that I just don't? I can't blame time because when I feel like doing my hair and makeup I always find the time. Why is it I have gotten lazy about this? I got to thinking about how my husband probably feels when he comes home to a wife that really looks like shit, pardon my language but it is true! I bet he would like to come home to someone that doesn't look like they have just climbed out of bed. I know if I worked all day and came home to my husband looking like he was in bed all day I would feel like WTF!!! If you know what I mean. Don't take this the wrong way I am in no way saying that a significant other has the right to cheat what so ever because the person they married has let themselves go, but does it play a role if they do decide to cheat? Thoughts?

Oh The Lazy Days Of Summer!

Well summer is well under way here and my 5 kiddos are bored! It is hard to find things to do with them on a limited budget, really hard when you are broke! I have enrolled them in the summer reading program and have been trying to get them out of the house at least once a day if only to go eat lunch at the school. It has gotten so hot so fast outside that they don't want to play outside for too long. We don't own a pool but I am gonna go try to see if we can join the YMCA on a sliding scale fee price then we can go swimming when we want. As for me I think I might go a little insane if I hear mom, mom, mooooooooom, mmmmmmmoooooooooommmmmmmmm one more time! LOL! On any given day I hear "Mom I'm bored", "Mom, he is picking on me", "Mom, tell them to get out of my room", "Mom, she is staring at me"! Oh and lets not mention the almost eating everything in the house syndrome! It seems as soon as they eat a meal they are hungry again! So my question to all my blog buddies out there is What can I do with my kids on a limited budget to keep them busy and entertained this summer so I don't pull out all of my hair before school rolls back around? LOL! I am open to any and all ideas!

For Better Or For Worse.....

Sorry I have not been on in awhile all my blog buddies but as some of you know I have been dealing with some marital problems. I won't go into detail about all the sorted affairs but lets just say I am trying to keep my head above water and breathe. My husband and I are trying to work things out and stay together. After over 15 years of marriage and over 21 years of me being in love with this man it is not so easy for me to just turn my back and leave. I want to be able to look back years from now and say I did everything in my power to make my marriage work. I want my husband and I to be happy again and look back 10 to 15 years from now and think about how strong we were to stay together and work things out and be happy we did. Nobody ever said life was gonna be easy and everything was going to be happy go lucky because we all know life doesn't work like that. What we can do is hold on to what we have and make sure you tell your loved ones in your life how much you do love and appreciate them because sometimes we take for granted what we have and we don't always show or tell those people how loved they really are! So for everyone out there reading this take some time tonight and put your arms around your significant other and tell them just how much they mean to you, it may have been some time since you last told or showed them and it might be what they need to hear.

Hello Blog World!

Hello, my name is Amanda and I am new to this whole blog thing so please bare with me!
I thought I would start by introducing myself. I am a 30ish stay at home mommy of 5. They are 14, 10, 9, 7 and 16 months. Yes I am busy and am dealing with anything from teenage fits to chasing a little one around and trying to keep him out of things. I am married to my first and only love, the only man that ever gave me butterflies in my stomach. I have been married to him for over 15 years. My life is not all sunshine and daisies but I would not change a thing about it. I think I have introduced you to me a little and hope you continue to follow my blog.